Schwebende EbenenFarben die mein Leben beschreiben, weil mein Leben sonst wundervoll farblos ist. Farben sind als Gedanken weit schöner als auf Wänden, Stoffen und Papier...

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KCON..?

In a few days there's KCON in Paris and i won't go.
It's not only SHINee (who i already saw twice...^^) but also f(x) and BTS, but i still think that i won't go... No really, even if there are moments in which i feel as if i had to, i don't think i'll attend.

Even tonight, which is a night of total immersion in modern K-culture (again...), i don't think i really need to be there. I already spent too much money on this kind of refreshment (yep, that's what it is to me most of the time) and i don't want to be kicked out of the yunity mindset and routine as hardly ever again... it's all about priorities, you know...

I have all the accesses now, not only via youtube and dailymotion, but also through mobile apps such as naver v, vyrl and smtown (i actually was looking for everysing but got redirected. I obviously have to check that out a little more...). The world truly is connected today, and i just need some more time to really make a connection and understand all the tools already out there...

So many pictures, so many sounds, so many charms... Yes it would be nice to attend a concert with a European audience, but that's not wortth 150€; and that's not worth loosing perspective again... I can crave Baekhyun when i'm at home, i can feel Jonghyun when i have nothing better to do, but when i have the chance to have real-life encounters and real-life progress, i should and will definitely choose those over artificial flavours of happiness, which i actually really don't need...

I have everything! All the fangirls would be or have been jealous of my perfect life. That's why i mostly kept quiet about my luck and only joined in on the praising of some worthy idols (like the before-mentioned ones...^^) when i was involved in online fandom. So no! I won't miss shit if i don't attend KCON Paris! I would only miss yunity spirit, i would miss out on camaraderie and unspoken backround feelings, and that's something i don't want to miss out on again...

yunity will always win in my personal list of priorities! It's about changing the wolrd godammit! Why would i ever choose something else above that?!
10.5.16 02:01


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Oh my gosh i LOVE yunity!!! o.0
It actually shouldn't surpise me anymore, but it somehow still does...^^ I think it's because of the intensity of emotional attachment that grew in such a short time... And also the fact that it grew so fast because of loads of new hope in regard to old topics... All this love and appreciation, all this positive energy that sparks a never before felt productivity in me... And that it only takes one short skype to make me remember after a trip to Japan...
That trip was filled with great views, feelings, experiences and provided so much input again, that was so different from the yunity reality, that - in the end - i couldn't even enjoy it anymore.
And now i'm sitting here with the fresh info of KCon Paris 2016 featuring SHINee, 방탄손연단 and f(x) (!!!) and ponder over the question if i even want to go there, because it doesn't fit my perfect yunity schedule. That seems so absurd from a last year's point of view...^^ But now it only shows, that i learnt that fake excitement always looses to real attachment... I mean, i haven't yet decided if i'm gonna go or not, and it will also depend on the need my sister wll express...^^
Agh i really don't know... 진짜 모르겠어...
But right at this moment i don't think that i need to spend 150 euros on KPop again, and that being at a lake, two weeks into the yunity feeling, will be much better and won't cost a cent... This is not about money mainly, but it definitely underlines the better decision...
But still... BTS...
아야아아아!!! 모리가 앞아... --.--
29.4.16 02:36


제 머리속에서 도그마가 없어&

Egal wie sehr ich auch neuen Sinn in meinem Dasein finde... KPop findet seinen Weg dazu! Vermutlich durchaus auch deswegen, weil ich mich immer freue, wenn es passiert...^^
Soviel simpel generierte Freude ohne Folgen! Soviel ästhetische Reize, in einerseits optisch und akustischem Rahmen und andererseits in linguistisch und kulturellem. Ich weiß halt nach wie vor nicht wieso ich das generell ablehnen sollte, vor allem auch, weil es mich offen und verständnisvoll dem Mainstream gegenüber hält und mich so befähigt Dogmen leichter auszumachen und zu bekämpfen.

Heute zum Beispiel war ich mal wieder in einem Supermarkt, weil ich Klopapier, Haferflocken und Knoblauch brauchte. Fast hätte ich sogar Schokolade gekauft! Das wiederum wäre aber ein absolutes Einbrechen gegenüber den Verlockungen der leicht erreichbaren aber nicht ernsthaft nötigen Luxusgüter gewesen (schon Knobi und vielleicht sogar Klopapier gehört ja eigentlich dazu...). Somit habe ich mich dagegen entschieden... und dann heute Nacht beim Containern Kinderschokolade, Neapolitanerwaffeln, Schokopudding, Kouvertüre und Amerikanerkuchen gefunden...^^
Man hätte ich mich geärgert blöde Schoki für einen Euro pro Tafel im blöden Supermarkt gekauft zu haben! xD Aber dennoch sind all diese Gedanken ohne diese harte Verbissenheit aufgekommen, die das Gefühl moralischer Überlegenheit einen schnell annehmen lässt, und das ist in jeden Fall gut! Natürlich hätte ich mir Schokolade kaufen dürfen! Ich MUSS es nur nicht (und offenbar nichtmal um sie zur Verfügung zu haben...^^). Dieser kleine aber feine Unterschied ist das, was Freiheit ausmacht. Die Freiheit im eigenen Handeln, die Freiheit in der Bewertung und Akzeptanz des Handelns Anderer und nicht zuletzt die Freiheit im Kopf, die im Endeffekt alle anderen Freiheitsgrade bestimmt...

Natürlich kann ich mich bemühen meinen Alltag möglichst umweltverträglich zu gestalten und dann nach Japan fliegen um SHINee zu sehen. Natürlich kann ich vegan einkaufen, wenn mir doch mal was fehlt, und dann das Heringsfilet aus dem Container essen. Natürlich kann ich abstrakte Fernziele ergünden und dann feststellen, dass das momentane Handeln nicht denselben Regeln entsprechen muss oder sogar kann.

Früher dachte ich 'Ambiguitätstoleranz' sei ein Schimpfwort für eine Geisteshaltung, die das nicht-zuende-Denken glorifiziert. Jetzt weiß ich, dass es nicht nur eine dumme Floskel von Unentschlossenen sein muss 'seine Widersprüche zu umarmen'. Nicht, dass es nicht auch die Deppen geben würde, an die ich früher in diesem Kontext dachte, aber es gibt eben auch noch Andere. Es gibt immer auch noch Andere...
Andere Möglichkeiten, andere Perspektiven, andere Interpretationen, andere Ansätze, andere Erfahrungen und andere Schlussfolgerungen.

Offenheit im Geiste ist das allerbeste Mittel gegen Angst und Hilflosigkeit. Denn wenn du erstmal verstanden hast, dass es tausend Wege zu einem Ziel gibt, von denen du nicht zwangsläufig alle nachvollziehen kannst, und dass das nicht nur okay sondern notwendig ist... worüber musst du dich dann noch sorgen? Die Verantwortung das alles zu durchschauen und mental zu verwalten hast du dir in deiner Hybris sowieso nur selbst auferlegt...
Hab einfach Vertrauen, Hoffnung und Phantasie und sei du selbst so gut du kannst!
Mehr kann niemand erwarten. Auch du nicht.
28.2.16 03:29


WuppDays #5 Nuremberg

Recently i gained an Indian brother. He sent me a recording of him playing a get-well-soon-song just for me. Somebody else thanked me for my wonderful soul and told me i inspired him. Another one said he liked how my mind works and really appreciated my existence. I have a new close friend, who i can work, talk, sing, joke, dance, smoke and cuddle with.
I got to innocently but intensely flirt with a gorgeous french girl. I got to draw a schematic flower of metaphorical value. I got to participate in a delicous and abundant vegetarian Chinese New Year feast. I got to create and sing a song with a friend. I got to be the center of a group hug. I got to make true contact with real, interesting, loving people. I got to discover my own inner driving force. I got to speak English everyday. I got to enjoy a LOT of crosslinguistic humor. I got to do acroyoga. I got to write blogposts. I got to take part in a LAN party and finally play Anno in multiplayer. I got to hug, laugh and sing many times everyday. I got to learn something new everyday.
Two weeks of being active as part of a community. Dreaming, planning and working together. Bonding, sharing and joining together. Being relaxed and productive at the same time. Communicating incessantly. Preparing emotionally for the time of remote contact.

See you in one month in Rotterdam!

Until then... see you on Slack, on Steam, on Youtube, on Confluence, on foodsharing, on Trello and on Googledrive...^^
20.2.16 00:42


Wupp, wupp, wupp

...and suddenly i have this deep sensation of purpose which i never felt before. so many knots inside my head loosened in the past two weeks. i mostly didn't even know they were there and now i can't remember how i could ignore them. i already knew everything i needed to know, i was just lacking drive and motivation. i was lacking hope. i was missing hope and therefore i needed to completely revolve around myself and my happy little existence. i was frustrated with the world and i accepted it. i thought this was growing up.

but meeting these amazing people has restored my faith in humanity! for the first time actually, i really believe that change is possible and that i can help to bring it about! this project, this idea, this enthusiastically motivated, immensely productive and authentically open group of intelligent and reflective people made and makes me feel useful and welcome, liked and safe to utter my every thought. i never before learned so much so fast, because among these people i feel like there are no stupid questions, like there is no need to fear rejection or judgement, like there really are no leaders. i could just dwell in using all the superlatives there are and still wouldn't be able to communicate the whole of my ecstasy about this once more ridiculously well-timed luck i have!

seriously, it fits perfectly: i have skills, i have time, i have focus and i have support from everyone who is dear to me. i always wanted to find this sort of community with this kind of idea, so that i just can't stop myself from wanting to participate. i see the path i have to take right before my eyes! and although i don't know how long it will be or to where exactly it will lead, i feel so unbelievably excited about taking the steps ahead! i never was as free as now! i never saw myself so clearly when i shut my eyes! i never knew there could be something even better as the love between two people...
it still gets better...
and now i have something to direct my energy at! i feel so thankful for that...

imagine sharing everything...
let's create yunity!
20.1.16 21:35


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